Entry Penned Beginning
Saturday November 30th 2024 C.E
10:21 GMT+7
It has been, wow a week, since I wrote anything here. Individually not a lot has happened day today, just settling in to a routine while trying my best to support those who are engaged in the more active portions of working on the next steps for us.
Perhaps the biggest thing was arranging a new fridge, not because the one here is working badly but it is old and has a lingering aroma that makes it less suitable for leftovers and such.
The experience of purchasing a white good from a big box store here was so very different to my past experiences. Despite the language barrier it was possibly one of the easiest I ever had; and the delivery was amazing. Not only did they deliver, unpack and place the fridge where we wanted it, along with measuring to make sure it would fit, the offered to take away the old fridge for free if it was broken (it is not so we kept it). Then they collected all the packing material to take with them and finally, although it seems like a small thing is just so meaningful to me, closed the gate behind them.
$335 USD, next day delivered and set up!
Perhaps the other big thing of note for me has been that I lost yesterday to a migraine. It began on Thursday and got steadily worse.
I wrestled with breaking my routine of exercise and self care but eventually I remembered (and was reminded in very definitive terms by the spirit ally that my family knows as Guardian ) that self care looks different sometimes. Some days it means pushing through and doing the things that you know are good for you even when you don’t want to, some days it means listening when your body says
“If you make me stand for any length of time, especially while holding a razor, this is not going to end well”
Today I was prepared to resume my self care, but the weight machine I have been using for exercise was apparently broken some time yesterday and is awaiting repairs, I choose to take this as a sign that I am not ready to resume that exercise yet but have returned to my regular grooming self care.
I can hope that it will be the last time a migraine settles in like that but I suspect it was a combination of catalysts, most of which are not going away and some of which are only going to get worse for the foreseeable future and so I have to be prepared to let my self care truly be centered on what I need as opposed to what I think I should do.
There is something of a ramble about blue / orange morality floating away in my head, I thought it was going to come out in today’s post but it feels like that is not the case at least not yet, perhaps it will be later today or in a few days time. With the new moon almost here perhaps it is waiting to finish percolating.
If nothing else finding the words to express it is a pleasant distraction from the increasing likelihood that I will not be seeing my father for X-mas (which is a secular sort of Christmas-like holiday that is rather uniquely Australian in my experience) as was originally planned and hoped.
Of course it also weighs on me that this is the longest I have been apart from my youngest, Robert, and is rapidly approaching the longest I have spent away from Rose; both with no clear date of when that will change. The ambiguity and the uncontrolled fluidity of that timeline is particularly hard for my neurospicy / fae self to handle well.
I hope that in time Robert will grow to understand why I had to be away from him for so long and with such ambiguity.
Enough dwelling on such thoughts, it achieves nothing of value and so now I go to to take some more time to rest; to recover as best I can from both the migraine and from the last few years of Work taken to get us to this point, while it is not everything that we had planned and wanted it is, I think, the right thing for the here and now.
-Robert James-Noonan O’Wayreth
Leave a Reply